Categories
Executive Coaching

When Someone On Your Team Isn’t Winning Friends and Influencing People

You’ve been hearing murmurs about one of your direct reports and you’ve seen some things that concern you. Perhaps peers are complaining that this person doesn’t care about anything except their own agenda. Or perhaps this person is failing to communicate with clarity and confidence. Or perhaps this person just hasn’t been able to figure out how to get things done in your organization.

All of these examples come down to someone who is struggling with the interpersonal aspects of leadership: among the most difficult and yet crucial things to address.

  • How do you help this person turn things around so that everyone is working together and at their best for a common good?

  • How do you address the problem skillfully, especially when you believe this person is so strong in so many other ways?

This article offers some guidance based on more than 15 years of executive coaching and leadership development.

Why It’s a Tall Order to Deliver Certain Feedback

In the ideal world, as this person’s boss, you would provide feedback as soon as you became aware of the issue. After all, if someone doesn’t know there’s a problem, he or she can’t fix it. And the longer a problematic pattern of relating to others goes unaddressed, the more effort and time it takes to reverse course—for everyone involved.

But even with good feedback skills and training under their belt, most leaders struggle with providing timely feedback when what isn’t working has to do with patterns of relating to others. There are a variety of reasons for this:


Executives are focused on other priorities and juggling a lot

They may not be witnessing much of the problem behavior directly. Interpersonal issues don’t usually draw attention until people are complaining … and by then, the behaviors and attitudes can be deeply entrenched, making change more difficult than if addressed early.


People issues are always complex, difficult to diagnose + solve

It’s much easier to see and address competency related problems such as when someone misses a deadline, makes a high profile mistake or fails to deliver on measurable goals.

Many executives attempt to wait until they have a complete picture and solution in mind, but this wastes precious time. Time that could have been used to change the behavior before every bridge was burnt or faith in the leader lost.


Having a direct and honest conversation about someone’s interpersonal skills is a supremely difficult conversation

It’s very personal. Receiving feedback is an emotional process; one that may cause feelings of embarrassment, shame and anger. Out of a drive to preserve the relationship and motivation, many leaders will put off having a feedback conversation and hope the person will figure out the problem on their own.

But in all cases, the sooner an effective feedback conversation takes place, the better it will be for everyone. If you find yourself avoiding a feedback conversation that you know needs to happen, realize that this is a very common problem. It may be time to bring in an executive coach to help.

Shared Feedback Model

S | Establish a Shared Intent

Create safety in the conversation by establishing a mutual or shared goal for giving the feedback.

“I care a lot about your success here.”

H | Provide context of what Happened

When/where did this happen? Who was involved?

“When Kate was sharing her perspectives on the strategy in the meeting today …”

A | Describe specific Actions

Recount the specific behavior that was witnessed with directness and openness.

“You jumped in, talked over her, and re-iterated your point of view.”

R | Explain Results

How did the actions affect others, goals, you?

“We didn’t get a chance to hear Kate’s thoughts and she felt disrespected.”

E | Engage in dialogue

What is the perspective of the person who is receiving the feedback?

“How do you see this?”

D | Discuss ideas for improvement or desired outcomes

What is expected and what are ideas for improvement?

“What ideas do you have to address this? I can commit to letting you know in the moment the next time this happens. What’s our plan going forward?”

Model | NextStep Partners

Executive Jedi Move: Notice/Acknowledge/Take Action

Whenever you get a sense that something isn’t going well in relationships—either in your own career or with one of your direct reports, the most important thing you can do is to pay attention. Take notice of the behavior and/or the complaints.

Writing out a short script based on the SHARED feedback model can help prepare you for the conversation. You will be setting up the person for the chance of success as soon as you acknowledge there’s a problem rather than months later when interpersonal patterns are entrenched.

If you are reluctant to address the issue directly and keep putting off a conversation, it’s important to acknowledge that. It may be time to bring in a seasoned coach to help get things on the table skillfully. Offering direct, honest feedback is the bread and butter of what I do every day.

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Is it time we talk?

If you or someone on your team is struggling with interpersonal aspects of leadership, I can help! Here are a few places to start:

And if you’d like to take the old school route, just give me a call at 415.991.5177. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Categories
Executive Coaching

On Selecting a Great Executive Coach

Executive coaching can create profound breakthroughs and transformation. But before you can achieve these attractive benefits, you’ll have to answer some important questions, including:

  • How do you select the coach that will allow for the best outcome?
  • What makes a great executive coach?
  • What are the common misconceptions?

Corcoran Leadership Founder, Heather Corcoran, recently sat down with good friend and former colleague, Linda Furness, who is one of three internal executive coaches at Google.

Part of Linda’s role is to interview external executive coaches and facilitate good matches with Google employees. The two longtime coaches discussed the ins-and-outs of selecting a great executive coach.

INTERVIEW | How to select a Leadership Coach

In this conversation, Heather and Linda cover:

  • Qualities of great coaches
  • How to evaluate fit
  • Common misconceptions
  • When to choose an Internal vs. External Coach
  • Potential outcomes

HEATHER CORCORAN | Your career path has been one with a lot of rich experiences—a law degree from Stanford, an HR leadership role at Financial Engines, a start-up success story, a Partnership role at Next Step Partners, and in the last year, a new role as one of three internal Executive Coaches at Google. What led you to coaching and to Google?

LINDA FURNESS | I think the whole first half of my career was about finding my way to coaching, even though I didn’t know it at the time. It seems circuitous, but while I was in HR, I discovered that the part of the job I really loved most was helping people to grow into their best, most capable and expansive selves.

That led me to coaching, and as soon as I started coach training I knew I’d found the work I wanted to do. I find it completely engaging, and it gives me unlimited opportunities to learn and grow myself.

Coming to Google was a tough decision—I loved being a part of Next Step Partners! But I was curious about what it would be like to be an internal coach. I was also interested in the work around wellbeing and mindfulness being done at Google. After six or seven years with NSP, I wanted to stretch myself in new ways.

HEATHER CORCORAN | What was it about the coaching training that resonated with you so much?

LINDA FURNESS | I think what it comes down to is that coaching lets me use all of my strengths. I’m good at connecting to people and seeing patterns and possibilities. I love helping people create clarity out of confusion. I’ve always been interested in having conversations about the things that really matter to people, and I love discovering how people think. All of that is what coaching is about.

HEATHER CORCORAN | From one coach to another, that’s a really good assessment of your strengths.

What Makes a Great Executive Coach?

HEATHER CORCORAN | Since joining Google, you have interviewed a lot of executive coaches. Given your experience, what separates the good from the great coaches?

LINDA FURNESS | This is interesting. I think really strong coaches have an overarching framework or perspective that they use to think about development and learning, but they are not wedded to it. It’s as if they have a really good map and they get to know it really well, so they are comfortable going off the map when it makes sense, because they know they will still have a good idea of where they are and which way to go. So strong coaches know and are able to use a lot of different approaches or models, all in service of what the particular client needs right now.

I also have come to appreciate even more deeply the impact of the coach’s own presence, and how much happens through the power of the relationship itself. So coaches who do their own work; are reflective and engaged in learning and growing and risk-taking themselves; and who can openly bring all of that to the coaching engagement, will be stronger coaches.

And, there is no substitute for experience. Coaches who have been doing this a long time, who coach full-time, who have a depth of experience: it all makes a big difference. Seasoned coaches tend to have a clearer point of view and a lot of comfort with being flexible. There’s not a lot they haven’t dealt with before.

HEATHER CORCORAN | So, what’s your map?

LINDA FURNESS | Good question! In my own coaching, I use a developmental lens, meaning no matter what issue you’re presenting, I’m looking for opportunities to create significant growth as well as to move forward on your goal. I’ve been influenced a lot by Bob Kegan and Lisa Lahey and their work on Immunity to Change, as well as the work of Jennifer Garvey Berger which is about applying developmental theory in coaching.

Lately, I’m very interested in the power of the relationship between coach and client. At its best, it serves as both a model for connecting and a sandbox for trying out new approaches. How are you showing up? How are you connecting? In the coaching relationship itself, we’re able to see and change these things.

How to Choose a Coach.

HEATHER CORCORAN | What advice would you give to leaders to help them choose a coach who would be a good fit and a great coach?

LINDA FURNESS | In addition to general screening for good training and experience, I would ask them questions to think about after they have an initial conversation or fit meeting: Do you trust this person, and feel safe with them? Did they meet your energy and push you to think about something you wouldn’t have thought about on your own? Do you want to talk to them again? The answers to all of those questions should be yes.

HEATHER CORCORAN | What are misconceptions about fit that leaders often have?

LINDA FURNESS | I think one common misconception is that a coach needs experience in a situation similar to your own (industry, level, etc.) to be effective. That is probably true for mentoring, but not for coaching.

Another misconception is that you should choose a coach with a style similar to your own. A coach with a different style can be very effective at helping you see things in a new way—and that’s one of the key points of coaching. To see things differently so that you can perform differently.

And you need to be careful about choosing a coach solely on the basis of liking their personality. Does the coach match you in terms of strength, energy, intellect, etc.? Do you feel comfortable opening up with this person? Does this person push you to think in new and different ways? That’s what’s most important, not personality.

HEATHER CORCORAN | This is so true! When matching clients with a coach, I often see a clear fit. But sometimes the coach who is best suited to address a client’s goals isn’t the person the client would be most charmed by. In those cases, “liking” one coach’s personality over another can actually distract you from your goal. I want to know more about what you mean by “how a coach matches you…”

LINDA FURNESS | Clients need to feel like their coach is a peer. A strong coach will adapt client-by-client and display a range of energy and styles. If you are very cerebral, you’ll likely need to see that a coach is able to meet your intellect or you won’t trust him or her. If you are a more anxious personality, you need that same coach to create a safe place immediately, not come out of the gates engaging in intellectual sparring. Same coach, different matching.

HEATHER CORCORAN | The executive coach has to match the client while finding opportunities to stretch and grow capacities in a new direction.

LINDA FURNESS | Exactly! And strong coaches are able to pull that off. As we both know, it’s not easy.

HEATHER CORCORAN | When does an internal coach, or for leaders at smaller companies their HR Business Partner and/or Manager, make more sense than an external coach?

LINDA FURNESS | An internal coach may make more sense when there is a particularly confidential or sensitive situation, or one in which an understanding of the organizational culture or context might be helpful. For example, coaching someone who is transitioning into an organization, or someone who is trying to learn how to get better at navigating organizational dynamics.

Internal coaches can also be helpful when there is a need for someone who can step in immediately, and an internal coach can be more cost effective when the need is expected to be longer term.

In general, it may also make more sense to work with an HR Business Partner or Manager when the need is more about building skills than transformational growth.


What to Ask Yourself When Looking for a Coach.

HEATHER CORCORAN | Flipping this, what should leaders be asking themselves when determining whether a coach is a good fit?

LINDA FURNESS | The first question to ask is, “What do I want to change?” That clarity is important.

Generally speaking, there are two types of strong executive coaches: utility players who are good for a lot of people and have a lot of tools and experience. These coaches can help you develop in a variety of directions and they are a great choice for most people.

There are also specialists with deep expertise in Emotional Intelligence or Mindfulness or Conflict Management, etc. So, for example, if you need help with self-management because you have a temper, it might be helpful for you to work with someone with a specialty in Mindfulness.

No matter what coach you choose, it’s important that you have the motivation to learn, change or grow in some way as well as the organizational support for that shift. You also need to have the ability to devote some time and thought to the process. Proven ability to learn and grow is important, too.

How Fit with a Coach Affects Outcomes.

HEATHER CORCORAN | What is the cost of a bad fit?

LINDA FURNESS | At worst, the coaching is ineffective and the leader—or others—becomes convinced that coaching is useless or that he or she can’t change. Short of that, it wastes everyone’s time and energy and delays the needed changes.

HEATHER CORCORAN | Right, and a strong coach also needs to be able to set reasonable expectations for outcomes. Both for the client and the stakeholders.

LINDA FURNESS | That’s true. Some big changes can be made quickly—especially skill-based, technical changes. Developmental changes take more time, especially when they involve internal seismic shifts. A strong coach will address reasonable milestones.

HEATHER CORCORAN | What is the return of a good fit?

LINDA FURNESS | Nirvana! Seriously, that’s asking what is the possible return on coaching, and that’s a tough question to answer quantitatively. Anecdotally, we’ve both seen people make enormous shifts with the support of a great coach at the right moment. It can be quite literally transformative, both personally and professionally. Being an internal coach, I now get to see the payoff of that over time, which is very rewarding.

HEATHER CORCORAN | Since joining Google, what is one thing you have learned about executive coaching?

LINDA FURNESS | I’ve come to see even more clearly how much impact the coach has on whether or not the coaching creates transformation. For example, I’ve become very mindful of getting enough downtime and space myself, because it makes a big difference in how I show up in my coaching sessions.

It is exciting and motivating, and also makes me very aware of all the room I have to grow into!

Can we talk?

Interested in finding the right executive coach for your challenge? Here are a few places to start:

And if you’d like to take the old school route, just give me a call at 415.991.5177. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Categories
Change Executive Coaching

How a Systems Approach to Coaching Yields a Change Strategy

Executive Coaching develops the ability of leaders to make a greater impact in their organizations. I determine a coaching program’s focus by what the leader and the people they work with believe will make the biggest, most positive difference.

Success in any coaching engagement depends on two things: the capacity of an executive to influence the system within which he or she works; and the potential for that system to be influenced.

A systemic approach to change.

Coaching often places too much emphasis on the first part of this equation, the executive. My systems approach to coaching considers both elements, and I assume that all parts of the organization contribute to an individual’s success within it. In this approach, I work with the executive to create a development plan that addresses questions that pertain to the system:

  • Do relationships need to be improved? What can the executive do to improve his relationships, and what help is required from others
  • Is a new organizational structure needed? How can the executive influence such change, and what support is needed from the organization to effect this change?
  • Do the executive’s team members need to develop new skills? How can she assist them, and what other help might she need?
  • What are the incentives for change? How does the executive view change, and how does the organization reward change—through promotion, bonuses, etc.?

I consider these to be systemic issues because I understand that multiple factors aside from the executive’s own motivation and skill contribute to his ability to drive business and get results.

I know that lasting change occurs only when the executive and the organization work together to achieve the desired outcome. Ted’s situation illustrated below, demonstrates how this approach can work.*

When the exec and the org work together, things change.

Ted was an effective executive with a long history at a successful organization. He was responsible for teams on the East and West Coasts, and he brought to his work a deep knowledge base, strong technical skills, and motivation to develop as a leader. The new president of the organization had confidence in Ted, and he wanted to invest in building Ted’s leadership and management skills. He also wanted to make changes in the business in response to shifting client needs and expectations, and he needed Ted to grow in some areas to make this happen.

In a 360° feedback session, I identified Ted’s communication style and the management of his direct reports, particularly on the East Coast, as the main areas of focus for the coaching program. But I also recognized that the organization needed to work with him to effect lasting change. It wasn’t just Ted’s skills that needed attention. The organization needed to make some structural changes that would facilitate communication between Ted and his direct reports. Both Ted and his organization needed to influence change for performance to improve.

For Ted’s part, he influenced change by improving his communication and coaching skills: he gave his direct reports more positive feedback, addressed performance issues quickly, and held them more accountable to their commitments. He also experimented with technology—webcams and Googlechat—to be in more frequent contact with his East Coast team, so that he could spend more time mentoring and coaching.

The president of the company influenced change when he clarified the roles and responsibilities within reporting relationships. He also eliminated a redundant management role on the East Coast that had hampered communication, and he supported Ted’s decision to spend more time in the East Coast office, where he could have more in-person contact with his team. Ted’s direct reports also participated in the change effort as a result of their willingness to discuss their performance with Ted and to work with him to improve.

At the end of six months, the results were clear. Ted felt much more effective in communicating with and managing his direct reports, and their performances had improved. With greater openness and collaboration among the team members, and between the East and West Coast offices, Ted was able to bring their work to a higher level.

The president of the company recognized that Ted was now operating at a new level himself and started to involve him in more strategic projects external to the organization.

Change done right

Ted’s case is a good example of how my systems approach to coaching works. Ted’s situation improved because he was willing to examine his practices and influence change and because his organization was willing to make changes of its own.



*Names and some details have been changed.

Want to stay in the leadership loop?

I often share my most exciting leadership ideas, books and other resources that I use every day or that I discover in my work. If you’d like to get them delivered right into your email inbox, sign up by clicking the button below.